life returned

I guess growing up for me is… Realizing your heroes are flawed and human in every way… Leaving someone who is abusive and harmful to you…even when a part of you longs to stay. Knowing you can’t change anyone but yourself, when you’re the only one who can ask and accept outside help. Forgiving someone…

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love in everything

forgiveness showed up at my door… when I was able to thank you for… everything you did and didn’t do… for if you could only see what the adversity turned into… I could never imagine being at peace with the past like this… no longer focused on what I couldn’t have or what I missed……

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everything you have ever known

Intimately tied and wrapped up in my old ways of living… Never fully understood the trouble and harm it was ultimately giving… Made a choice to bravely embrace a permanent, lasting change. My own life in dire need of being newly arranged. Because what was familiar and “safe” in my mind… Became self destructive and…

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kaleidoscope of memories

maybe… what we had wasn’t like the movies… instead it was… imperfectly flawed. messy. confusing. raw. broken. my mind now sees a more realistic portrait of the past. one no longer colored in the extreme… or tainted by the pain. it was what it was… I see every shade of emotion in flashes across your…

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you stand in your way

get back up. look your fears dead in the eyes and know there is nothing that will defeat you. stop making excuses for why it’s impossible… and start implementing plans to making your dreams a reality. no one is going to stop you. no one is holding you back. only you stand in your way….…

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everything

I’m alive. To me… Surviving with my life is everything. When fear tries to keep me down… This is what I come back to. I am alive. My story isn’t over. I haven’t lost yet. Every breath. Every step. Every choice. Matters. I know sorrow. I know pain. But every set back is a step…

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faithful

I was faithful to a narrative I never wanted to live…. But I hate that I was loyal to it. So many years and lifetimes lost to a story where I was a prisoner. My hesitation in writing a new story… Comes from the fear of letting go… For I knew this story well…. So…

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never real

you break all my hopes with a single act. the way you argue with me…it’s like you already know all the conclusions and facts. but I tire of the way you blame me for… everything. and I lose heart when you tell me it’s better if I don’t sing… you clipped my fragile wings. loving…

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selfishly

if you asked the ones I left… maybe they would blame me…. and maybe they would say I was the one who acted selfishly. I fight with myself and the guilt too easily. but if they knew how it hurt me to walk away… how there are days I still struggle to be okay…. loving…

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win

fear tells you… to believe everything. love says… appreciate and marvel at the light you alone bring. fear whispers… you’re never good enough so why even try. love comforts you… when all you can do is break down completely and uncontrollably cry. fear lies… telling you to give in. love stays in peace… knowing fear…

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