Every word is a loaded stainless steel gun aimed steadily at my unprotected open heart. Every act of “love” is another dark twisted remedy, lost in chaos & spiked adrenaline. Abusers never wish for you to be fully free. Your blacked out eyes & lethal rage still keeps my hand ever so close to silent alarms. My emotions lay heavy with untraceable guilt as delicately laced shame lingers upon my unmoving lips. But you like me this way. Silent & unseen. I’ve never been more scared than in those moments you made me believe abuse was safe and love was not.
You conditioned me to only see worthlessness in my own reflection. You didn’t stop until I stopped fighting back. You wrote my scars across broken promises long before you completely shattered me ….
Internalized all the pain you held me tightly with. Nothing was enough, you will never see who you truly are. In the end… you’ve already lost. How heavy is your glittering, golden, blood soaked crown?
I can’t save you. Now I can only save myself from you.