Feels like….day one you had my life perfectly aligned to your own plan. You were all powerful & practical, still no one can play pawns the way you can. Fight to love, falling in love with a fight. Hurt me once, imprison me twice, but something in your eyes doesn’t sit with me quite right. If it went down how you wanted it to back then, I don’t think I would have made it through the night.
Kill me with distance & a coldness to steal my breath. Your anger is a force to be reckoned with, crossing you comes with the promise of a special kind of death. I needed you to love me, to feel safe & protected. But with every insult & injury, you taught me it was more valuable to be feared & unconditionally respected.
Another night of empty silence, another day of superficial kindness. My mind is crazy with the cruelness in your mad love. In the end, anyone who doesn’t worship you will be left broken & silenced when push comes to shove.
You disappeared completely in another make believe world…chasing illusions of grandeur & flawless fool’s gold. There’s always an untold price to every selfish motivation, there’s no real love on a throne decorated with indifferent calculations.
I hope one day you find peace, but your life is not mine.
I love you, in pain & tears.
Now my life, is in my own hands to define.