I don’t know how to give or receive love without a condition…faint echoes of my parents’ rules. A person is stripped of all meaning, in the end to become a crafted, specialized tool. How do I get over being used like this? How can I remember all the cruelty & still find something in you to miss?

Sit here. Smile please. I was convinced I was the broken one, but now I see your love was a disease.

Close my eyes & the sadness is still there. All I ever wanted…was your love & care. Without the pain of feeling you were never really there.

I’ll take care of you if you do this…

I’ll drown you then make you lost in temporary bliss…

To me it always goes like this…

You won’t love me unless…

I allow you to control & oppress.

To me it always feels like…

I love you but you’ll remind me I’m not worth the time.

My emotions, heart, love are nothing to you, I’m just a dozen for a dime.

I can’t run from you when you hold my arm.

When you convince me you’re protecting me from harm.

Oh, the things we do for those who imprison our hearts & minds.

But you were never going to be the one to free me from these binds.

I want to find a way to love myself, without you.

And I want to feel alive without feeling I need a place to escape to.

I want to feel loved, without feeling used.

I want to know what love is like without the abuse.

Shadows are harmless until we begin to believe in them.

But how much longer will I stay in a dream that only weakens & condemns.

Love me, only if there’s nothing you seek to take in return.

Care for me, only if there’s sincerity in your the kindness & selflessness in your concern.

Because I don’t want love if love comes with a price.

Fool me once….but I won’t let you have me twice.

 

 

Posted by:Lauren Kim

🦋 I write my own stories, breathing in life & love by my heart's endless daydreams.

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