Emptiness….paralyzes every emotion until I don’t feel the pain sinking too far in. A thousand moments sit on my chest & I don’t know how to break the hold despair has on me to finally win.
It’s never enough….never enough because deep down I don’t believe I’m worthy of love, so I settle for paper thin attention. Days are worn with unpredictable anxiety, nights are slept in nervous apprehension.
Put it to bed, let the past go, & take a step on the path towards healing. But the thoughts return again & all I wish for is not to feel the heartache in each one of these feelings.
Did you love me, did you care for me before you decided to leave? I’ll never know the reasons you gave me up & I wish it was easier for me to believe….
Was it love or was it because you just didn’t want to keep me? No matter how I try not to, I feel the loss of abandonment in everything I fight so hard not to be.
You left me forever & it hurts me every single day. I was too young to know you, & I don’t know how to be okay.
Did you think of me or miss me the way I wish I knew you. Did you ever imagine how I turned out, or wondered of the woman I grew into?
I wish I could feel your love & care. I wish I could understand how I miss someone who was never really there.