See the same look in your eyes as I did that night, shadows crossing over veiled thoughts & what I say is still left to your own interpretation. Even now, not sure if I once saw pain, desire, or simple manipulation. Grew up in a home where feelings were used as weapons & every where I saw a game of exploitation. 

It’s me against you…then you against me, I know the story far too well. You made me believe I was only worth what I was willing to sell. All the things you did to me…I didn’t have any choice but to hide in the unbreakable walls of my own protective shell. When those you love poison you like this, you wake up to a false kind of heaven turned into an inescapable personal hell.

You watched & waited to see the colors I would bleed. You sought to be the honored hero from making a victim out of me. All your intentions driven to take advantage of a basic human need. Power & control over others, your ego had to be satisfied by lustful greed.

My mind knows you can’t ever come around. Memories surface & I tell myself don’t worry, all is safe & sound.

Wake up in the middle of a daydream & it feels too real. I fear there’s still something left in me for you to shatter & steal.

But I can’t carry on with this dangerous dynamic, in so many ways it’s no longer fair. I was under the darkest of spells, but there’s no going back when you’ve become suddenly, painfully aware. Getting away from you was truly the only possibility for wounds of the past to fully repair.

If I have children of my own one day…I don’t want them to struggle with the burdens of prior generations. That’s why I fight so hard to change the patterns I was taught, love is my only motivation.

Love is my only motivation.

Posted by:Lauren Kim

🦋 I write my own stories, breathing in life & love by my heart's endless daydreams.

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