I never met you in real life, & it hurts to imagine a different family. There’s parts of me too broken & displaced to wrap my head around my adolescent calamity. I wonder of the choices she made to selflessly protect her baby girl, to ultimately provide her with a life she was not able to give. I wish it was easy, but every day I find something new & abandoned in me to forgive.
Half of me is missing…in the portrait of two people I’ve never seen. I can’t explain the depth of what I feel or give reason to why I attempted to take my own life at thirteen.
I’m grateful for…
So many things but I need to feel the pain & the loss. My wounds refused to heal until I finally allowed them to get the point across.
And I wish I could have…seen your face just once to have in memory before you let me go. You missed my first steps, my first word, my first…..never even got to say goodbye or hello.
All the money & illusions could never replace what I lost when I lost you. Not a moment passes by where I don’t wonder if you miss me too, I think of you in every single thing I do.
But you don’t even know my real name, & when you left I was left in a world that would never be the same.
And I just wish…
I didn’t feel so alone in this.
Love is love & I won’t let love go.
No, I won’t ever let it go…