There was nothing in you to love…
A cold, indifferent person.
Every act of “kindness” was a manipulation.
Every act of “remorse” was a lie.
My heart hurts, not from losing you.
From ever believing there was some real connection or person to lose in the first place.
All of it feels…
Superficial & emotionlessly calculated.
There was no warmth or love in your eyes.
The loss wasn’t what I thought it was.
I didn’t lose you.
I lost a version of you I wanted….no needed to believe in.
In reality, there was…
An iciness I always felt.
Cool enough to burn, to paralyze my heart.
I built walls to keep people like you out of my life.
But I know now I was only keeping the pain in.
I have to love myself now, in a way I have never been shown.
That is where the change will come.