I was thirteen…when I was killed, metaphorically.

Do you think my heart could heal after what you did, rhetorically.

Tiny shards of glass memories, broken & torn deep within my heart.

Healing is a process but at times it feels as if the emotions tear my love apart.

Sitting at the table, a school book resting underneath my arms.

A second later I’m on the ground & the look in your eyes only promises harm.

Just a moment in time, running hopelessness throughout.

The rage & the hate is what you cannot live without.

I replay the pain a million different ways,

Nothing in the past could ever make me feel okay.

110 pounds, five foot four.

One look at me & you always knew the score.

Silence me with your threats,

Tell me to make a move I wouldn’t live to regret.

Grab me again to let me know who’s boss,

Don’t mind my tears & innocence I lost.

Skipping school, sleeping in…

Don’t worry honey, your nightmares are just about to begin.

Eyes downcast the the floor,

You ask me if I want more.

Heavy, baggy sweatshirts worn in the middle of summer,

Angry outbursts & lonely isolation but keep telling yourself you love her.

Barely hanging onto life, every day inching closer to defeat.

In my darkest moments, I still believed I needed you to be complete.

Never the same after

You destroyed my soul & stole my laughter.

And I never had any power…

Wishing for it to end hour after hour.

That could have been the end of my story,

You could have had my life & all the glory.

I lost myself in you,

Never thought my life could begin anew.

Close my eyes, recall your voice &

All I hear is lies, lies, lies.

I hate you, I love you & it’s killing me.

An angel & a devil in you is all I can ever see.

Hurt me to show me you love me, lessons you taught.

No remorse in you, only sorry you were ever caught.

Bury me in revenge under a starless sky,

You cut my wings so you alone could fly.

Falling towards the end,

Find me in a place where shattered souls can mend.

The more I focus my attention on you, the less I have to fight.

I know it’s wrong to hold on, but sometimes I don’t want to face what’s right.

Moving on is accepting what cannot be changed.

No one really knows how our lives are universally arranged.

I hate you for the girl you killed in me.

But the hardest part was forgiving myself to find a way to break free.

You don’t know the damage you have left me with, & somehow I still have to be okay.

I don’t want my present & future to have you in every last word I’ll ever say.

I’m too tired to chase after what you could never give.

I have to let you go completely in order to live.

You being who you are, that’s your true punishment I know.

Sometimes pain, if we let it, can lead us to eventually grow.

Love will heal these scars beautifully, & I’ll give it time.

After the storm, a rainbow will always shine.





Posted by:Lauren Kim

🦋 I write my own stories, breathing in life & love by my heart's endless daydreams.

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