My heart still stalls in small mistakes,
If I’m not perfect, all the illusions you taught me to wear crack & break.
You praise & reward me every time, you love the way I bow & live to obey.
But if I turn to leave, you plead desperately & beg me to please stay.
Love wasn’t meant to be felt this way.
Your words twist mine, until confusion is all I know.
It took me a few decades before I pieced together the reality behind your flawless show.
You say you love me, but your heart can’t give me anything when it’s hollow & impossibly cold.
There are selfish intentions with every story you ever told.
You loved me so long as I… played the part of your created world.
You need me to need you, but I can’t give anymore.
My own voice, is the one I can no longer ignore.
Your love is…
I can’t stay with someone who won’t love me, you choose to worship pain & fear instead.
You raised me, but I don’t want to live the same life you modeled to me & led.
I love you but I’ve run out of reasons to stay.
The truth is you lost a little more of me day after day.
Without your shadows, I’ll learn how to find my own way.
I love you…
But your love doesn’t really love me.
Once you love yourself,
It will set you free.
& I wish you had learned how to love me.
What you gave…
Just wasn’t love.
It never could be.