I used to chase illusions…

Hoping to hold a love I never truly had.

& I used to play with your emotions…

Because I wanted you to make me feel just as bad…

As I felt continuously inside.

No one could see the secrets & pain I had to

Hide.

If someone teaches you how to feel worthless all the time,

Everything you say & do leaves you with an unbearable guilt & shame for a non-existent crime.

Used to love when the light & attention was on me,

I tried not to, but I followed his footsteps a little too perfectly.

All the external praise & validation couldn’t cure my disease.

Trained as a child to be submissive, serve others, & live to please.

I learned I was better silent & unseen.

It took a long time to undo what’s been done to me…

But I’ll trade my nightmares for new dreams.

& I love the way he loves me.

& I hate the way another hurt me.

But I’m learning from all the pain.

Once I let fear go, love was everything I had to gain.

You told me…

Don’t forget your voice.

You always have a choice…

I love the way I laugh now so freely.

I love the way he loves me so unconditionally.

You changed my life forever…

I learned my life isn’t just for another’s pleasure.

& love will take any measure…

In impossible realities to find a way.

Come what may.

Come what may.

 

Posted by:Lauren Kim

🦋 I write my own stories, breathing in life & love by my heart's endless daydreams.

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