I used to chase illusions…
Hoping to hold a love I never truly had.
& I used to play with your emotions…
Because I wanted you to make me feel just as bad…
As I felt continuously inside.
No one could see the secrets & pain I had to
Hide.
If someone teaches you how to feel worthless all the time,
Everything you say & do leaves you with an unbearable guilt & shame for a non-existent crime.
Used to love when the light & attention was on me,
I tried not to, but I followed his footsteps a little too perfectly.
All the external praise & validation couldn’t cure my disease.
Trained as a child to be submissive, serve others, & live to please.
I learned I was better silent & unseen.
It took a long time to undo what’s been done to me…
But I’ll trade my nightmares for new dreams.
& I love the way he loves me.
& I hate the way another hurt me.
But I’m learning from all the pain.
Once I let fear go, love was everything I had to gain.
You told me…
Don’t forget your voice.
You always have a choice…
I love the way I laugh now so freely.
I love the way he loves me so unconditionally.
You changed my life forever…
I learned my life isn’t just for another’s pleasure.
& love will take any measure…
In impossible realities to find a way.
Come what may.
Come what may.
