My whole life…
I looked up to you.
But as an adult, your image in my heart took on a different view.
You taught me it was possible to love someone you also fear.
I learned there was no warmth or kindness in you, year after year.
The saddest part is knowing you will never feel the sorrow in my own tears.
I had a father, but he wasn’t a dad to me.
A commanding officer, I never felt entirely free.
Underneath the rage in your eyes was immense pain you couldn’t reconcile.
But forgiving or admitting any mistakes was never a hallmark of your style.
It’s hard to love someone who closed off his heart long ago.
And it’s impossible to get through to someone who couldn’t ever reach the truth of the emotions he was too scared to show.
Even in my heart I still love you, no matter how cruel my name sounds on your lips.
I left you when I could no longer survive the destruction of your many guilt trips.
Your pursuit of this fantasy is why love could never be.
We are so fragile in time and space.
My wish will always be to find peace and love in your face.