I’m mad at myself for sinking to your level.
When I think back on those times, the situations I compromised were several.
And I made excuses for your behavior.
I was too caught up trying to be your savior.
But your stories always had you as a victim.
You were forever on the receiving end of a messed up system.
I loved you but not enough to stay.
There were moments I had to be the one to make sure I was okay.
Back and forth we fought, nearly every single conversation.
Broken trust and different life paths, never translated through our communication.
But I was there by your side until…
I realized I was just your supply to fill…
A fragile ego.
That’s how we used to go.
And once I saw you through a different light…
There was no going back to the old ways, a blinded curved sight.
Times I miss your smile, the familiar memories.
But if I saw your face, probably could only think about the way you walked all over me.
I don’t blame you for the pain, we both had our own issues to heal.
I only get upset when I realize you never once asked me how it made me feel.
The times you brought me down with guilt and blame.
After the last fight, our friendship took a turn and somehow I know it won’t ever be the same.
And I don’t want to sound bitter, sometimes I just get caught up in what I no longer miss.
When we first met, it was a beginning I cherished, now I look back thinking…I never signed up for this.
But people aren’t so easy to replace, I still feel a loneliness without you here.
I guess with you, I never let myself face the darkest of my fears.
Now I’m here without you…and when I reflect,
It becomes much easier for me to deflect…
All my problems onto you, when I know I was wrong.
Somehow I made you into an unhealthy dependency, taking you for granted all along.
Because of you and him I know real loss and that’s just how it goes….
When you give in to these thoughts, their power only continues to grow.
I still thank God for the times we did have, I hope you know.
I hope you know.