I’m mad at myself for sinking to your level.

When I think back on those times, the situations I compromised were several.

And I made excuses for your behavior.

I was too caught up trying to be your savior.

But your stories always had you as a victim.

You were forever on the receiving end of a messed up system.

I loved you but not enough to stay.

There were moments I had to be the one to make sure I was okay.

Back and forth we fought, nearly every single conversation.

Broken trust and different life paths, never translated through our communication.

But I was there by your side until…

I realized I was just your supply to fill…

A fragile ego.

That’s how we used to go.

And once I saw you through a different light…

There was no going back to the old ways, a blinded curved sight.

Times I miss your smile, the familiar memories.

But if I saw your face, probably could only think about the way you walked all over me.

I don’t blame you for the pain, we both had our own issues to heal.

I only get upset when I realize you never once asked me how it made me feel.

The times you brought me down with guilt and blame.

After the last fight, our friendship took a turn and somehow I know it won’t ever be the same.

And I don’t want to sound bitter, sometimes I just get caught up in what I no longer miss.

When we first met, it was a beginning I cherished, now I look back thinking…I never signed up for this.

But people aren’t so easy to replace, I still feel a loneliness without you here.

I guess with you, I never let myself face the darkest of my fears.

Now I’m here without you…and when I reflect,

It becomes much easier for me to deflect…

All my problems onto you, when I know I was wrong.

Somehow I made you into an unhealthy dependency, taking you for granted all along.

Because of you and him I know real loss and that’s just how it goes….

When you give in to these thoughts, their power only continues to grow.

I still thank God for the times we did have, I hope you know.

I hope you know.

Posted by:Lauren Kim

🦋 I write my own stories, breathing in life & love by my heart's endless daydreams.

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