Despite what I wanted…I adjusted to the tension.
They tried so hard to love us, but it was their own hearts that needed attention.
Walking on egg shells and watching every word, it was like living in a permanent state of detention.
No real moments of letting go, feeling comforted and safe, just a childhood environment of fear, panic, and apprehension.
But people make mistakes…
But this wasn’t a mistake.
A choice, a pattern, a consequence of the choices you alone make.
I blamed myself for so long, under layers and layers of misplaced guilt.
Both parties were so caught up in their own issues and struggles, they couldn’t really see the house they built.
A house is not a home, there’s more than relationships that create a real family.
You can share a life with someone and never truly know who they are.
You were always “there” but your mind, heart, and love were constantly too far.
And a child that grows up feeling….as if there is something wrong.
They will begin to blame themselves for a problem that was never theirs all along.
But I’ve focused on the darkness and pain for centuries, it’s time to move on.
My life now is dedicated towards growing love with kindness and humility, when I walked away from the past, true love was what I stumbled upon.
I’m not perfect, but no one can be.
If you only look for pain…
That’s all you will ever see.