For a moment let’s get real…

There’s a long history and complexity to the emotions I feel.

My dad wasn’t faithful to my mom, cheating on her while wearing a white disguise.

But my mom did the same, and you could sense the pain beneath her eyes.

I grew up knowing only infidelity and it wasn’t ever okay.

It doesn’t excuse what I’ve done or the choices I’ve made each and every day.

We create our own lives, we give in and sometimes we give up.

My parents both made selfish decisions, in repeated moments decided to fill their own cups.

They did their best, this I know.

It still affected me as I continued to grow…

You learn as a child, love is not what it appears to be.

At some point you make a decision and it becomes your own destiny.

There are always consequences to the betrayal and the pain.

I’m tired of seeing the world and my life through their eyes, obsessed with what there is to gain.

It’s not easy to walk away from what you selfishly want and desire.

They weren’t able to say no, both burned for years by the same fire.

I don’t have to choose their path towards self destruction…

Sometimes you have to just turn away and refuse a life of lethal seduction.

No, I don’t want to go that way.

No, it’s not alright with me if your fantasy stays.

The only power you had was the power I gave you.

But if you keep chasing after the same old tired games…they begin to control everything you think, say, and do.

Their past doesn’t have to be my future, even when I loved them all the same.

I’m not here to pass judgement, make myself appear any better, and point my finger in blame.

Commitment is what you do, with every single choice.

Be faithful to who you are and trust in the worth of your own voice.

 

 

Posted by:Lauren Kim

🦋 I write my own stories, breathing in life & love by my heart's endless daydreams.

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