Every time I think of him…
I can only remember the ways he hurt me.
In my own field of vision…the pain is all I can see.
I guess we all have blindspots of our own to evaluate.
Took me a while to trade in all my tears and remaining hate.
The truth is I loved him…he was my father, how could I not care.
But the times he used and weaponized his love…it wasn’t fair.
It’s funny how you can look up to someone and see them blindly.
Even now there’s still a part of me worried he will one day find me.
Growing up was painful and scary at times…but back then I didn’t know any better.
Now all I have of him are the memories and unsent letters…
How do you let go of the man who raised you?
The one who was there as you grew.
But when I think about it…he wasn’t there in the way I needed him to be.
When you love someone you don’t prevent them from flying free.
Control and power were his main priorities.
Around him I couldn’t…find any love within me.
It’s a difficult lesson to walk away from someone you loved and let them go.
But sometimes it’s the only way to find peace of mind and finally begin to grow.