You lift me up.

You pull me down.

You keep me safe.

You let me drown.

Every word is a game, every act is a play.

My mind is worn from getting through the day.

When you grow up with abuse, you don’t know another way.

Insults, threats, fights, control becomes normalized and okay.

Denial is a hard protective shell.

It kept me alive through a familiar kind of hell.

How could someone I love turn on me like this.

Why are they someone I can’t help but miss.

I remember thinking…

What did I do wrong?

Was this monster here, in you all along?

Was it something I did, to make you this way.

Why do you silence my heart and the words I wanted to say.

Abuse happens in other families, this can’t be real.

But denial stands in the way of how I need to heal.

Closed doors and blocked memories.

But you can no longer tell me how my life will be.

I loved you and I needed you to protect me.

But all this time…

All this time you were the one who clipped my wings.

But I want to find love, a love you could not give.

In your shadows and pain, it’s no way for me to live.

Posted by:Lauren Kim

🦋 I write my own stories, breathing in life & love by my heart's endless daydreams.

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