He was a complex person, a dizzying mixture of extremes.
With him…nothing was really as wholesome and honest as it first seemed.
He could leave you shattered and haunt the darkest of dreams.
While crowning you with this golden spotlight, as if you were above it all in his regime.
He could lift you to the sky and discard you with a selfish scheme.
Fear, control, power were all his most beloved and worshipped themes.
He was your savior and captor.
The way he spoke…he could have been an award winning actor.
Charming and reasonable, you wanted to believe in his reality.
Far too late, you’ll realize he’s locked you in chains and kept you from flying free.
It’s an impossible duality.
I was raised in a world of cardboard fairy tales and watercolors.
All of my emotions and love under him were outlawed and shamelessly covered.
One layer of denial…told me this was how he shows love, all is normal and alright.
One layer of truth…told me this was never love, what he did should be brought to light.
One layer of denial…told me he’s human, he made a few mistakes.
One layer of truth…told me, deep down you know his “love” is completely fake.
One layer of denial…told me he was broken and in pain.
One layer of truth…told me because of him your life felt an eternal rain.
One layer of denial…told me he was sorry for what he did to me.
One layer of truth…told me he never intended to ever set me free.
The line between love and abuse blurs in confusion.
When you grow up with beautiful, false illusions.
You are worthy of being loved, in every way.
There’s a beginning in the promise of a new day.
What you give your focus and attention to grows stronger.
He might have written my past…but I won’t allow him to any longer.
I’m the only author.
His power over me becomes smaller and smaller.