Confuse the feeling of butterflies with danger.
She fell in love but he wanted only to keep her to change her.
Capture beauty in subtlety…
Grand illusions have a place with me.
She was lost and she was alone.
Still grates upon her nerves when he uses a condescending tone.
It’s hard to put away decades of my life when I struggle to understand.
But I don’t want to carry on the legacy of his blind and selfish plans.
The more he gave the less I felt.
Every fight and act of aggression hit far below the belt.
I never wanted it.
Just because he never hit me, doesn’t mean it didn’t leave scars.
Love and what he gave me…nothing could be so different and far.
Shades of fear burned in my eyes.
But I kept clinging onto the false promises of his beautiful lies.
He would incite a fight and intimidate.
Every emotion and pain I felt he loved to invalidate.
He would make me break down in tears.
Then be the one to take away all my fears.
Cycles of good and cruel until my mind knows no differently.
This is how you got the best and worst of me.
But there’s no amount of money or materials in the world to make up for the loss.
Every now and then, the pain of it all runs through my past thoughts.
Once trust is shattered it’s difficult to put back together.
A part of me around him always prepared for unpredictable and stormy weather.
To trust myself again…it would take time and distance apart.
To undo all the pain…I had to leave to save and love my own heart.