The pain and fear are interwoven into every part of her.
They create the very fabric of her emotional and mental states.
Years and years of conditioning are not easily undone.
But the healing comes in puzzle pieces.
It will take time to trust…instead of question.
It will take time to love…instead of fear.
It will take time to choose peace…over war.
When you’ve been trained to go into battle, you don’t see another way.
You become good at fighting.
You become skilled at mind games.
Because at one time…it was the only way to survive.
Sometimes you act out of fear, disguised as love.
You fear losing someone you love.
You fear the hurt and pain that comes naturally with life.
You fear the unknown.
We’re all human.
There’s no perfection in our makeup.
No flawless nature in the way we live.
My records aren’t spotlessly clean.
There’s many regrets in my books.
People I’ve hurt.
Friends I’ve left.
Family I’ve let go of.
Choices I made.
Consequences I faced.
He was afraid and he could not protect me from himself.
He wasn’t able to face his fears.
Or love himself.
It doesn’t justify his wrongs.
It doesn’t make what he did okay.
But living with hate and fear is a prison.
And I don’t want to live that way anymore.
I created…what I feared the most.
Giving it life and a way to control me.
But I am the only one who can tear down these walls.
The only one who can choose the path towards love.
If someone wrongs you…hurts you in an unimaginable way.
You can let the pain destroy you.
You can let it flow through your mind and heart endlessly.
Or you can let go…
Tend to your wounds.
Address the care you need.
Take care of yourself.
But the path towards love and revenge are not the same.
I’ve walked both.
Mistaking one for the other.
Let me pour more love into my life.
Let the scars fade.
Only love will own today.