when his thoughts rage level five hurricanes inside my head…
i lose myself in everything he did to me and everything he ever said.
his love was torture, the poison couldn’t be contained when it spread.
i resent the life he made me live and the life he intentionally led.
nightmares still haunt me from time to time.
but to beat him i would have to lay down in his filth and tattoo myself with his kind of crimes.
deep breaths, as the panic threatens to settle in.
his games i no longer seek to engage and win.
and when i have these thoughts i ask myself…
is this kind, is this loving, will thinking this way help?
there’s something in me that refuses to die.
so when the shadows of his past come calling…i’ll let them pass on by.
pass on by.