with you….

I get a little obsessed…

maybe it’s the words you say or the way you always dress…

healing and letting go of you can leave me in such a tangled mess…

even when I know in my heart it’s for the best…

in my mind you fulfill a need,

you keep alive elusive fantasies…

but in this way my heart can’t feel free…

when you take up all the love I have for me.

obsession leads so easily into addiction…

but these wounds are only self inflicted…

and the only way to heal is to break away from you…

to no longer cling to a false hope of what isn’t realistic or true…

these bonds are difficult to end when there’s so much pain in them…

I could count the ways you unconsciously remind me of him…

and I mistook the intensity for passion, the highs and lows for love when it was only the trauma….

so now I have to focus on the ways to leave behind my past and the vicious cycles of drama….

the more I push you away, the more I want you to stay…

but this methodology of attachment is not one I need to be okay…

I learned love was a game of give and take…

but bringing my past into my present and future, that was my mistake.

it’s a process…and I’m giving myself time to figure out how to live without you.

step by step…in the direction of a life and future that is different and new.

I miss you but I need to stop living in the past…

I need to accept what I cannot change and stop trying to make it last…

you can’t hold on and let go in the same breath, sometimes you have to choose.

choose what you want to keep and what you want to lose.

 

Posted by:Lauren Kim

🦋 I write my own stories, breathing in life & love by my heart's endless daydreams.

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