thankful

I never knew it was wrong…

Never fathomed what he did could be considered abuse at the time…

When I was in it, I thought I was safe….

But safety isn’t being scared of what someone will do to you…

And love isn’t a mind game where you’re fearful of someone’s next move…

Emotions aren’t pawns to be played…

Hands aren’t weapons and tools of intimidation…

Even now it’s hard to comprehend…

It may take even more years to heal completely from the wounds left behind…

A child first learns what love is from parents…

But sometimes those lessons are wrong…

And you don’t really know what love is until you become older…

They gave me a delusion of love…

A distorted lens to look through…

A lens clouded with fear and pain…

I once kept my identity within you….

My hopes and dreams were in your hands…

My self worth…

My self esteem…

Everything…

When I became older I had to learn how to clean the lens, wipe away the dirt and replace the glass…

I put myself last but I won’t this time.

Everyday I’ll learn more on how to take care of myself.

It’s going to be a challenge…

I’m going to have to work on it every day…

But I’ll get there…

I’ve already created my own happiness and sense of peace…

And I’m thankful for that.