painting you as a villain…

made you easier to blame…

I guess in a strange way staying in a place of blame gave me an excuse not to move forward and let go…

but seeing you as just human…

that’s a little more real and a lot more heartbreaking…

because then you have faults and flaws just like me…

insecurities you battled with and personal struggles you fought…

I won’t justify what you did…you have to lay in that bed…

but if I start to see you as a broken, hurting person…

then my defenses start to fall way…

because all your power disappears and I see you as you are…

scared.

so scared you accept fear as love.

so scared you confuse control as love.

so scared you want to feel powerful by making another feel powerless…

but your scars are not mine.

and your struggles are not mine….

you hurt me and I don’t have to create a meaning for it…

some people just hurt others…

it’s unfair and cruel and sometimes all you can do is heal from it…

the way you think and rationalize,

the beliefs you have of love,

the methods you use on people,

all of that is entirely you.

I’m not you.

I don’t want to be.

I don’t need to be anymore.

separating myself from you and the memories is a long, complicated process….

but little by little I feel empowered once again…

every step,

every created space of safety,

every choice I make,

helps bring me to a better place…

and that’s enough for me.

 

Posted by:Lauren Kim

🦋 I write my own stories, breathing in life & love by my heart's endless daydreams.

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