ever since

it was easier when I could place every reason for my pain on you…. back then I didn’t have to look in the mirror and face the bitter truth… you might have been the one who hurt me originally…. but I’ve been my own best enemy ever since… until I learned how to love myself…

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letting go

I was too busy blaming you… Never saw my fingers wrapping around my own pain too tightly…. Because as much as I hate to admit it… I was the one clinging onto the tears, too afraid to let them go… And you can’t forgive someone and hate them at the same time… So I guess……

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pain

too easily we forget… how human we all are…. the pain runs in my veins as it does yours… and for all I know… and for all I will ever know… let love be the reason I choose to live… every second I have…

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it hurts me

scars along my heart leading back to birth… there are questions I’ll never know the answers to upon this earth… and I still wonder why they left me abandoned… why there were no good byes and love letters and… I don’t know if I’ll ever truly get over losing you… because I never knew you……

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how long will you love me

how long will you love me… words spoken from a song… but the meaning left too soon… and you didn’t stay for long… wasn’t I worth fighting for…. wasn’t I worth holding onto… I’ll always wonder…. how you saw me from your view…

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home

I’m letting go… Signing off and taking a break… I’m going to love myself more and discover the life I alone can make… And the love and laughter I have… No longer feels forced and fake… I’m thankful for all I have and for the love I know is real… And that’s something no one…

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tidal waves

the shock hits your heart in tidal waves… you just wait for it to end… then the unwelcome panic and pain begin to settle in…. your world is shifted forever… what you knew could never be the same… even when someone else hurts you… somehow you find yourself with tears and blame… then you’re in…

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real

it was easy for you to let me go… but then again your cavalier tone feels like it’s for show… for you couldn’t treasure your family… and even when we left you wouldn’t let your own eyes see… the entire cost… of everything you lost… still I don’t wish you to hurt and I hope…

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pain

pain… you were all I ever felt… I built my world around you until… the walls disappeared and I could feel my defenses melt… fear was real and I held it in my heart…. but it tore my life and dreams completely apart…. pain… you were always there for me… but you held me forever…

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more and more of me

I had to heal from you…. Then heal from me… Saying goodbye to the parts I no longer need… I grew up in dysfunction and dependency… But in my heart I never… Felt free… And I’m cutting off the sides of me that grew to love…. The pain and toxicity…. Everyday I try to forgive…

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