drops of relief

can I walk away when it’s painful… when it tears my heart in two… but staying… there’s no possibility where I see myself with you…. I painted another picture… one of an entirely new view… there’s grief…. mixed with regret and drops of relief… goodbyes after a lifetime feel fatalistic and brief…  

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free

I still have my good days and my bad…. I’m learning to embrace the pain and stop running away from feeling sad… There once was a hole in my heart that nothing could ever fill… But the emptiness slowly began to disappear as I stopped and stayed still…. I started to listen to the voice…

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miss

I’ve stayed with my pain… I’ve wiped away my tears… I’ve had time to reflect on the memories and the years…. It took me a while to learn…. Some pages in this journey you just have to turn… It matters how I look at myself… There’s no shame in breaking down and getting some help……

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another way

I don’t want to talk about the pain anymore…. I don’t want to give it the spotlight anymore… Because there’s a time and place… Some times you just can’t erase… And I’m thankful for what I had…that’s true… But I can’t control what you say and what you do… The best step for me is…

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letting go

I still hear your condescending tone in his voice….even when it’s not there…. I still feel the tension in my nerves….even when I know I’m safe… I still lose myself to anxiety and panic….when there’s nothing to be afraid of… It takes a long time to let go…. Every day I’m still letting go….

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normal

it was “normal” for me to cry myself to sleep after another angry, defeated fight…. it was “normal” for me to run away in a place of my own imagination where you couldn’t reach me… it was “normal” for me to shut down emotionally until all I could feel was the numbness as it took…

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never the same

he always cared about presenting perfect appearances…. but he never cared long enough for my own disappearances… put me on a shelf only to control every thought and action… but he wouldn’t even blink when he cut me into a million tiny fractions…. he raised me to believe I only was worth what I could…

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choose me

there’s no absence left in the places I abandoned….. and I never knew love until I learned how to love myself… it’s really time I said goodbye to the past of stained yesterdays… and embrace the life I have ahead of me… I glorified you… I tore you down… I held on but my heart…

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these shores

he was a boy masquerading as a man… but his heart was made of cardboard… the surface shined like no other… but there was only emptiness underneath… and I loved him… until the day… he shattered my innocence away… I don’t glorify his memories anymore… and I know now to walk away and close the…

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choosing me

He lived in a shadowed world… A heart full of pain turned empty and cold… The past grew the rage in him until… His love and his life grew colorless and still… She didn’t stand a chance… Just another victim in his dark and distorted dance… But her pain would heal… Her life… He couldn’t…

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