real

it was easy for you to let me go… but then again your cavalier tone feels like it’s for show… for you couldn’t treasure your family… and even when we left you wouldn’t let your own eyes see… the entire cost… of everything you lost… still I don’t wish you to hurt and I hope…

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pain

pain… you were all I ever felt… I built my world around you until… the walls disappeared and I could feel my defenses melt… fear was real and I held it in my heart…. but it tore my life and dreams completely apart…. pain… you were always there for me… but you held me forever…

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more and more of me

I had to heal from you…. Then heal from me… Saying goodbye to the parts I no longer need… I grew up in dysfunction and dependency… But in my heart I never… Felt free… And I’m cutting off the sides of me that grew to love…. The pain and toxicity…. Everyday I try to forgive…

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drops of relief

can I walk away when it’s painful… when it tears my heart in two… but staying… there’s no possibility where I see myself with you…. I painted another picture… one of an entirely new view… there’s grief…. mixed with regret and drops of relief… goodbyes after a lifetime feel fatalistic and brief…  

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free

I still have my good days and my bad…. I’m learning to embrace the pain and stop running away from feeling sad… There once was a hole in my heart that nothing could ever fill… But the emptiness slowly began to disappear as I stopped and stayed still…. I started to listen to the voice…

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miss

I’ve stayed with my pain… I’ve wiped away my tears… I’ve had time to reflect on the memories and the years…. It took me a while to learn…. Some pages in this journey you just have to turn… It matters how I look at myself… There’s no shame in breaking down and getting some help……

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another way

I don’t want to talk about the pain anymore…. I don’t want to give it the spotlight anymore… Because there’s a time and place… Some times you just can’t erase… And I’m thankful for what I had…that’s true… But I can’t control what you say and what you do… The best step for me is…

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