if I said the right words…

maybe you wouldn’t get so angry at times….

if I did all the right things…

maybe it wouldn’t feel like I’m always guilty of a crime…

love by you was always walking on thin ice….

I never knew when or how it would break….

but it was fragile and shattered beneath my hands…

love with you meant….

saying the words you wanted to hear….

doing whatever you wanted me to do….

never questioning it…

never stopping it…

love with you wanted me lifeless and afraid….

locked within a cage….

dying every single day….

love with you was more than painful….

because it didn’t matter….

it didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do….

it didn’t matter what I failed or succeeded in….

you didn’t care for what I loved and admired…

unless it was you I loved and admired….

you didn’t ask me what I needed….

but you stole what you desired….

your eyes never looked at me with love and kindness….

they only saw me as a discarded doll….

one  you could break and pull and push and bend….

your love was a nightmare I never could wake from…

there was no light….no hope…no truth in your eyes….

I knew nothing else but you…..

my whole life was under your control….

every step was made in your calculations…

with no choices and no voice….

it became easy to disappear beneath the dark….

and fall to sleep…

your voice was always cold and cruel and your heart was nothing but air….

nothing but air…

I lost myself inside of you…..

until I learned how to love and live again…

you didn’t allow me to be human….

when it was all I could ever be….

 

Posted by:Lauren Kim

🦋 I write my own stories, breathing in life & love by my heart's endless daydreams.

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