free

With him…. I never could be me…. He wanted to strip away my wings…. He had none for himself…. Someone like him could never understand what unconditional love is…. He will never feel the beauty of selfless giving…. He will never know the happiness of cheering someone else on…. He will never feel the contentment…

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me

I never knew me….. But I knew everything he wanted me to be…. I knew the tone of voice and gestures, to perfectly match his plans…. I knew how to act to avoid another fight…. I knew how to say sorry like it was my own name…. I knew how to bow my head in…

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if I….

if I said the right words… maybe you wouldn’t get so angry at times…. if I did all the right things… maybe it wouldn’t feel like I’m always guilty of a crime… love by you was always walking on thin ice…. I never knew when or how it would break…. but it was fragile and…

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pain

I swallowed his anger and made it my own…. When he lost it over a spilled drink or dropped plates… And I just couldn’t…. Understand it then…. Whenever I made a mistake he would… Light a fire to my heart and watch it burn….. When I was human and vulnerable and real…. He would break…

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I never loved you….

I never loved you… But I loved a fantasy of you…. The one I painted over the real you to…. Survive… The painful truth is… I never knew you…. The real you… And I kept holding onto the fantasy… Until my fingers bled with your own blood…. And I lost myself in the lies and…

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Be

I abandoned myself a long time ago…. But these past few years… It’s beautiful the way I’ve been able to grow… A sight of perfection never exists in reality…. But when I close my eyes… The love in your heart is all I can ever truly see… And its taken me time to fall in…

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enemy

A part of me wants to hide away forever in an illusion of what could never be… And a part of me longs to go back to the way where I felt nothing but carefree… But the beauty in my scars are from knowing pain…. And pain was never my real enemy….

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human

I lost you before I ever knew you…. And there’s words I’ll never be able to tell you… But the peace I’ve chosen…. Comes from within… Sometimes the best revenge is…. Living and loving well…. Having no bitterness in my heart…. And no regrets in my tears…. You’re all you could have ever been…. No…

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the world to me

you couldn’t be the one to love me…. and I couldn’t control the outcomes that played out back then…. and that’s okay…. because I’m working on me…. on finding the space between…. hearing my own voice and loving my own place… what we had… it couldn’t be fixed… it couldn’t be helped… it was broken…

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myself

Don’t need those distractions… Or to turn the music up… Sitting pretty with just myself and that’s… More than enough… Because you can’t give love when you don’t have it for yourself… And healing came when I… Started to love and trust in myself…

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