chaos

Every day I try to feel a little safer… A little happier… And there are moments where…. It hits me in a sudden, beautiful way…. Every breath… Every step… I could never take for granted…. Even in the middle of a chaotic storm…. There’s love to be found… There’s compassion to be held… There’s kindness…

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more than enough

I push you away…. Then ask you to please stay… I tell you I don’t need you… Then I reach out in everything I do…. The way I grew up… I was always empty, filling and pouring myself into other peoples’ cups… The trauma doesn’t leave right away… At times you do what you can…

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free

you didn’t always love me kindly…. you didn’t always hold me close…. the trauma changed me…. the tears and the guards I put up…. don’t give away easily…. every protective measure…. every wall…. to protect myself…. to survive…. but surviving isn’t the same as living…. isn’t the same as loving… trust doesn’t evolve overnight…. love…

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here

underneath the fear…. beneath the tears…. is a panic that runs wild and uncontrolled…. any hint… any indication of change…. spikes the fear of death in me… because this was how I survived…. this was how I made it through…. but it took a fatal cost…. and the more I hold onto the past… the…

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