let go of fear

I thought you would come save me…

I believed you could heal the pain you gave me…

I dreamed of the day you would be the person I once knew…

But that person was a fantasy…

He never existed….

He was never real…

And holding onto him…

Clinging onto his pressed sleeves…

Staying in his shadows…

Only made me lose myself more and more every day….

He lived in constant fear….

He threw the ones who loved him under the bus…

He only knew how to be afraid….

He knew little of life…

And even less of love…

I wish he loved me….

I wish he cared…

It shattered me when he walked away…

It broke me when he did…

I screamed for him…

I cried every night…

And I couldn’t let go…

Because it was my fault…

I was the reason he…

It was my fault….

It was my fault….

I had to believe it was me…

I had to take in all the blame…

Because the dad I knew and loved…

Disappeared in an instant…

And became a stranger….

Who didn’t care if I lived or died…

It had to be my fault….

Because that was a lie I could go on believing….

That was a lie I could accept….

I believed it for so long…

I defended it…

I stood by it…

I was faithful to it….

But in the end…

A lie is just a lie…

And it could never be the truth…

Night after night….

Day after day…

There was no love…

There was no hope….

There was no life….

In his heart he only had emptiness…

In his eyes he only had fear….

And my home was cold…

And the walls were bare…

And living in them felt like nothing….

But…

Because of him I know what love is…

Because he showed me everything it wasn’t….

And even with all the pain…

I’m thankful for the beauty life is…

I’ll cherish the love I find in every moment….

Because of him…

I choose love…

And I let go of fear…