I’m not sorry….

Not sorry for the times I believed in you but felt only the sharp pain of disappointment….

I’m not sorry….

For the times I trust you as you slid the knife further and deeper….

I’m not sorry….

For breaking down over and over and over as your words and grip on me took a dark turn….

I’m not sorry….

For what I did to survive you…

I’m not perfect…

I’m not a mindless doll you could program and control…

I’m a human being…

A real person…

Someone who has emotions and feelings and love and pain….

Someone with scars and tears and dark memories….

Someone with struggles and a loving heart….

Someone who would do anything for the people I love….

I cry…

I hurt…

I have limits….

I am not like you…

You never apologized…

Never said a word of apology…

Never allowed yourself to give or to see…

And you hurt….

You hurt all of me…

I lived in a nightmare of pain and confusion…

A dizzying maze….

For my entire childhood….

So forgiving you…

For all the pain and anger you gave to me….

For all the tears and silence and scars….

You have no idea what you did….

You never sat with me…

Never listened to my heart….

Because all you ever cared about was yours…

And for a long time it messed me up….

You were a choke hold…

Suffocating me without any love…

And I fucking looked up to you…

And you were my hero…

And every time you broke me…

My worth and my price went down to zero….

And I played all the roles you wanted…

And I gave more than I could afford to give…

And you took away every single reason I had to live….

I was angry…

I was in pain…

I had to undo the damage…

Again and again and again….

But I’m tired of playing the part….

And I’m done with faking all these smiles for you…

Because you live your life….

Controlled by fear and brokenness in all you ever do…

And those are footsteps I never want to follow….

At the end of the day…

Yours won’t be the bitter pills I swallow….

You may have had my yesterdays…

But I’m not giving you a single one of my tomorrows….

No…

Not giving you a single one of my tomorrows…

Posted by:Lauren Kim

🦋 I write my own stories, breathing in life & love by my heart's endless daydreams.

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