I’m more scared of being happy…
Than being a prisoner of guilt…
Because back then…
Every time happiness…
Was followed by….
Desolation of everything I ever built…
I know pain more intimately than I know joy…
And letting myself feel good about anything…
I just wait for him to destroy….
Every time I smiled sincerely…
He pulled me down again with cruel words and silence…
I wish he wanted more from me than my obedience and blind compliance…
But it never was meant to be…
Love isn’t love if…
You’re never really free….
And I hate how I could love someone….when they…
Fight and criticize every thought you think and every word you say…
Peace feels dangerous to me…
Calmness is a foreign place….
I don’t know my own…
But I know every curve and shade of darkness across your face….
Why I keep trying to pull away when you pull me back in…
Am I too naive to think this was a war I could ever fully win…
The more I try to escape my past….the more it tries to take me back…
Too many reminders of my pain and the qualities I always lack…
He could spin a lie like no other I know….
And all his pretty sounding words and promises….are all just for show…
I can’t trust anyone like this…
How can you heal from someone you want to not miss…
Just tell me there’s nothing there to miss…
