losing you brought out the worst in me…
battles I thought I won long ago…
vices I thought I defeated once and for all…
I threw words and insults…
hoping they would hurt you…
hoping they would change the choice you made…
and I feel this shame…
this guilt….
for what I did to you…
for the pain I caused you…
as much as I hated my dad…
I found traces of his struggles within me…
but I don’t blame him…
I don’t blame me…
blame never helped me heal…
he taught me a lot of fear…
and so little of love…
I’m sorry….
for how I hurt you…
for the times I put myself before you…
for not being the one to care for you…
I regret that…
I regret a lot of things…
I regret feeling like…
I was the one who pushed you away…
To eventually lose you….
Lauren Kim Art 