in the beginning all I wanted was him to feel….
all the pain and rage he made me feel…
until he knew what he did…
for all of his nightmares to be real…
but the longer I sat with my pain and the past…
I saw my whole life disappear….suddenly too fast…
and I could have died so many times before…
alone…behind childhood secrets and closed doors…
he had this look in his eyes…like the pain he caused me….he wanted more…
and these wounds become scars when the only man in your life taught you that love was fear…
abandon and reject me so many times….my mind…heart…soul shattered and ended in tears…
even with every fight and every memory of violence…
he did all he could to force her submission and silence…
tell me how to love in a different way…
show me there’s hope and love in a new and brighter day…
whisper me promises until my heart finally feels okay…
but I’m not the little girl I was back then…
I remember the terror in my heart I felt when I was only ten…
too scared to say no…
but the path he chose I could not let myself go…
sometimes leaving is the only way to keep living…
so I keep going and keep loving…and keep…
forgiving…
