selfish

so many tears…

for the love I failed to have….

forever chasing after…

the love they could never give….

I became someone I didn’t know…

trading love for attention…

care for obsession…

and sorry doesn’t quite cover all the wrongs…

but I hope you know…

there is only one here…

in my heart…

I got so lost in the glittering lights…

but the longer I stayed…

it just couldn’t feel right…

maybe it’s too late for us…

maybe I deserve everything I received…

the truth is…

I couldn’t ever let my heart be loved…

but losing you….

shattered every last defense…

for so long…

my mind only wanted a perfect white picketed fence…

but real love isn’t like that…

through all the rain…

the sunshine and storms…

you were the one I needed….

the one always there…

so far we’ve drifted into this place…

I fell for an illusion…

one where I could hide forever…

I’m here now…

and I…

reach only for your hands…

I hope in time…

both our hearts can fully understand…

I love you…

Just you…

and no matter where life takes us…

that love won’t fade…

it won’t die…

and I was selfish…

and I was only thinking of myself…

love people and use things…

but I self sabotage and destroy so many things….

and I’ll own that…

and I hurt so many people…

and I caused so much pain…

and I know I can never take it back…

I’m learning….

how to love…

how to truly love…

everything I thought about love…

was wrong…

everything…

I lost myself…

and I hope you are well…

truly well…

and happy…