Call it conditioning…
Or cycles of shame…
But they both linger…
Because so many times I put myself first…
Your voice echoes words of condemnation…
Selfish…
You called me…
Who knew how words could wound…
A scarlet letter engraved on the walls of a fearful heart….
Selfish…
But…
Then I think…
Of how many times you put my needs first…
Of the times you saw me and didn’t try to use me…
And I can’t think of a single time…
Not one…
Having needs is human…
Putting yourself first is life saving…
Sometimes you need to…
Save you…
I try…
Then the guilt settles in….
And shame calls again…
For so long they were my identity…
My shackles…
But call me whatever name graces your lips…
And I’ll smile through the tears…
Because I know my own worth…
No longer will I let myself be a captive of my own fears…
Lauren Kim Art 