Loss

I don’t want to ever lose you….

Again….

Because….

I don’t even know how I survived it the first time…

So…

When I saw you….

This familiar panic….

Settles in….

Then…

A part of me still shattered….

Will do anything to run…

Escape…

Not feel those feelings…

Not face those wounds….

Not live…..

Not love…

Never knew….

How this addiction started….

I was so young back then…

So innocent….

When I learned any connection brought….

Unbearable pain too….

I tried to cut it off….

Tried to live without it….

I built a fortress around my heart….

Made it so nothing…

No one could ever….

Get in….

Then one day….

It all came down….

A rainstorm of realities….

I was too afraid….

To hold you….

To be with you….

To love you….

To allow myself to care….

Because caring means feeling….

All that pain again….

And my heart doesn’t know how to….

Survive….

The loss of…

You….