I’ve never been free…
It was always food or fantasies or running away…
Numbing the pain and emotions…
But feeling it all…
Not turning to anything to escape…
That is a new adventure…
An unwalked path…
But it’s what I need to do…
To be free…
Addictions are a double edged sword…
They will always give you temporary relief…
A few seconds where you are lost in ecstasy…
Then…
Imprisoned by fears…
Ever since I could remember…
I’ve run to escape myself…
My pain…
My fears…
My emptiness…
Only in sitting with all of the discomfort…
The bitter truths…
The sweet honesty….
Do I see it now…
I don’t want to replace one addiction with another…
I need to heal me…
For me…
And for those who love me…
Because being a prisoner of my own poisons…
Is no way to love…
No way to truly live…
Lauren Kim Art 