There’s highs and lows… Compliments and blows… When I was living in a fantasy my feet never touched the ground…. But when my entire world shattered peace and unconditional love was what I finally found… It’s hard and it hurts in a way I can’t place… Still pieces of memories my mind unconsciously erased… Sitting…

I never knew me….. But I knew everything he wanted me to be…. I knew the tone of voice and gestures, to perfectly match his plans…. I knew how to act to avoid another fight…. I knew how to say sorry like it was my own name…. I knew how to bow my head in…

I swallowed his anger and made it my own…. When he lost it over a spilled drink or dropped plates… And I just couldn’t…. Understand it then…. Whenever I made a mistake he would… Light a fire to my heart and watch it burn….. When I was human and vulnerable and real…. He would break…

A part of me wants to hide away forever in an illusion of what could never be… And a part of me longs to go back to the way where I felt nothing but carefree… But the beauty in my scars are from knowing pain…. And pain was never my real enemy….

you couldn’t be the one to love me…. and I couldn’t control the outcomes that played out back then…. and that’s okay…. because I’m working on me…. on finding the space between…. hearing my own voice and loving my own place… what we had… it couldn’t be fixed… it couldn’t be helped… it was broken…

I loved you with my whole heart… And it shattered me when you broke it… Shattered me to pieces…. I held every shard…. Until my hands bled with the pain you gave me…. But as I grew… I began to see the truth behind the man before me…. One who never knew how to love……

I’m letting go… Signing off and taking a break… I’m going to love myself more and discover the life I alone can make… And the love and laughter I have… No longer feels forced and fake… I’m thankful for all I have and for the love I know is real… And that’s something no one…