dad

Dad, You hurt me… You watched me cry…. But my tears never reached you… And my pain never touched you… And my heart never healed from you…. I waited forever for you to see… Truly see the damage of what you did…. To feel the weight of the nightmares you created for me…. But you…

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he never did

  I waited for him to heal the pain he left me with… And I waited for him to save me from the nightmares he created…. And I dreamed of the moment he would be truly sorry and make the darkness disappear…. I waited forever…. For a fantasy… One not destined to become reality…. I…

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living for

I loved someone who could never love me in return… There’s no word for that kind of deep and painful burn… But if there’s anything I know for sure… Is self love and acceptance could be the only cure… In the end…. In the end… You have to decide what and who is worth living…

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free

What’s good for you… Isn’t good for me… I want the rawness and realness of … What could never be found in fantasy… And I loved you… More than I loved me… But learning how to care for myself… Was the only way to break free…

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Broken

I’m feeling broken and more than confused…. The way I miss you has me left with recollections of abuse… But I won’t stay in this state of mind… Even when it gets dark out… There’s a part in you that needs to be loving and kind…

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Special

I felt special when I was under your bright spotlight… But in time it burned a little too hot and nothing about it felt quite right… I was your possession but I was never loved in the way I dreamed of… Left with my heart and my mind when I realized… What you gave me…

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Walk Away

I wrote myself in a narrative…. One old with age and time… And in the beginning I didn’t have a choice…. Always running from one addiction to the next… I was loyal to the game for a long time…. But I had to walk away to save my own life… Because I’m not helpless anymore……

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within me

I’m still grieving the loss of the life I used to live… I’m still mourning the loss of the family we once had… But the pain flows from my heart hitting the harshness of reality…. The family we had was broken to begin with…long before it all fell apart… What hurt me the most was…

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now

My tears are colored with anger, pain, grief, sorrow, despair, relief, hope, love… Everything in between… I loved you. I hated you. I feared you…. But now… When I think of you I don’t imagine this invincible man who had all the power in the world…. I see a scared, broken boy….who never healed the…

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rest

it bothers me that I could love someone that hurt me…. as if there’s something wrong with me…. but I never knew it was pain… when it was mixed with toxic love…. I feel guilty for caring for you… ashamed as you throw me away… I feel even worse that I saw for a time…

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