used to

used to need you to feel like I could be loved… but I decided I’m going to be my most beloved… because depending on you to feel beautiful and worthy takes a toll… I can’t leave my heart open to be toyed with, that’s no longer my defining role… and I grew up knowing only…

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the love she needed

I grew up with darkness around my heart… Maybe he wasn’t the only one to tear myself apart… A young girl with a distorted reality of her own worth… Deep fears and insecurities she ultimately gave birth… The wild rage she kept was a fire burning in the wind and rain… But she couldn’t face…

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endings

I loved you in fairy tales and happy endings… In reality, my heart and soul are still struggling and mending… And I just couldn’t keep pretending… To love you when I keep defending… I wish it didn’t end the way it did… But I was just a kid….  

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care

I try to love you but it hurts too deep…. There’s too many painful memories I don’t want to keep… I don’t know where we go from here… There’s still a part of me that lives in fear… Wishing and waiting patiently for you to selflessly care…

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day

I don’t want to care about you… I don’t want it to consume my day… But the heart doesn’t care for logic and reasoning… Love was love until it wasn’t meant to stay… You’re everything and nothing… And I don’t know what to say…

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see

you once lived only in a far off fantasy… but you represented a broken part of me… there’s no way to curb the harshness of some realities… and I try to wipe the memories… when they were once all I could ever see…

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whole heart

I’ve been avoiding the way I need to make permanent changes in my own life when I know it won’t be easy… But it has to happen… My old habits, past, and excuses…have to die now Self assassin… Killing off the parts of me that led to my own self destruction… It’s the only way…

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