Sunshine

Lost myself in a fantasy once upon a time… But you do what you do to live through another white crime… The pain left me when I let myself feel… Fears and nightmares, they never were real… And I close my eyes and imagine only love… It’s all I have when push comes to shove……

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love

he wanted to take my humanity… but he showed me the beauty of compassion instead…. he wanted to break my spirit…. but the fears only existed within my head…. he wanted to end my life… but I chose love…. love…  

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stole

he pulled me apart… shredded every string…. even when I had nothing left…. he took that away too…. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes…. the endless sea of black…. his love was drenched in poison… and every choice I ever had… he stole…  

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if I….

if I said the right words… maybe you wouldn’t get so angry at times…. if I did all the right things… maybe it wouldn’t feel like I’m always guilty of a crime… love by you was always walking on thin ice…. I never knew when or how it would break…. but it was fragile and…

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I never loved you….

I never loved you… But I loved a fantasy of you…. The one I painted over the real you to…. Survive… The painful truth is… I never knew you…. The real you… And I kept holding onto the fantasy… Until my fingers bled with your own blood…. And I lost myself in the lies and…

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ever since

it was easier when I could place every reason for my pain on you…. back then I didn’t have to look in the mirror and face the bitter truth… you might have been the one who hurt me originally…. but I’ve been my own best enemy ever since… until I learned how to love myself…

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pain

pain… you were all I ever felt… I built my world around you until… the walls disappeared and I could feel my defenses melt… fear was real and I held it in my heart…. but it tore my life and dreams completely apart…. pain… you were always there for me… but you held me forever…

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