disconnect

yeah… tried to play nice… tried to fit into the box you put me in…. tried to be what I thought you needed…. but people pleasing just for validation and approval… leaves you fucking bleeding… who she was… was never the real me… born into a world where I was never accepted… abused by a…

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let it be

it’s a little complicated… mixed emotions and feelings… focused on my own growth and healing… there’s a line between imagination and reality… blurry vision of passion and practicality… a million reasons to let it go and let it be….  

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my will

I say your name… I say it twice… But the memories… The memories aren’t very sweet or loving or nice… And I keep you in the darkest of places… Still I see the promise of harm in all of your masked faces… You were sweet… You were kind… You were cruel… You were always one…

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never him

oh it’s easy to write about the pain… when it spills across silent letters… but the recovery is more… on my best days I feel nothing but thankful for this life… and on my worst… I’m barely holding myself back from imprisonment in the darkness of endless strife… we’re all human in the end…we do…

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regrets

secrets untold… a heart hot and cold… in every way I fell for you… but your true nature I never knew… there’s meaning in tears… there’s truth in healing past years… thankful…in the smallest of ways… knowing somehow, in time I’ll be okay… highs and lows, in between sunsets… Live your life so you never…

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fly

life is fragile… life is kind… life is everything… when pride and greed are left behind… when love is what you eventually find… life is breathtaking… life is a gift… a single day is given and taken away from us..far too swift… you remind me of a broken love song…. one where you needed to…

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loved

I loved you and hated you all the same… For a long time a twisted part of me thought I loved the games… But healing from trauma is not a linear path… Life is far more complex and beautiful than black and white math… It hurt me more as the scars began to heal… I…

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know

made mistakes… smiles I used to fake… but loving you was a choice… needed a man but they were all just boys… life was supposed to be lived and fully enjoyed… underneath his power and control it was my soul destroyed… I digress… the past no longer needs to cause me pain and distress… means…

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path

When I look back… I don’t know how many of my choices were my own…. And how many were made for me… How many things I did for myself…. And how many things I did for you…. It’s crazy… Its been circling around in my mind for what feels like lifetimes… My life back then……

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thank you

thank you for life… for love… for it all… let me always remember… the love you gave me… the life I was given… and everything in between… love always… love always…

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