enough

I’ll never believe…. I’m enough…. I’ll never let myself feel completely loved…. Because there’s just a deeper place of loneliness I keep inside… And I build prisons inside my mind… Ones perpetually cold and unkind… But it’s the only false sense of peace I know… I know….

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judgement

you judge me until I can’t stand under the weight… you shame me until helplessness becomes my only repeating fate… and you can’t handle it if I make a single human mistake… I close my eyes as you continue to take and take… and all this…which you call love…feels empty and fake… fake… you set…

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trust

I never knew love… Growing up… I knew fear… But they called it love… And for a long time… I couldn’t forgive it…. I couldn’t let it go…. I held it…. I held the pain in my heart…. Until it turned into a poison… Turning everything good in my life to another layer of pain……

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real

I want a love that’s real…. Imperfect people… Imperfect lives… But love is everything… And I’ll believe that every single day I am alive… Real courage is choosing to do more than survive….

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for granted

I took you for granted… Made myself be too comfortable…. In knowing I always had you…. But then… You left and it shattered everything… It shattered my fantasy of love…. But now… I look at you…. With a completely different heart…. There’s not one second I take for granted…. If it’s by your side… I…

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blame

I blame myself for…. Everything…. I layer every silence with the guilt… My heart always brings… I stopped loving myself and everyone to stop the pain… But life… Without love… Never feels the same…

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losing

I don’t have to win anymore…. I don’t want you to leave forever out that door…. and I should have known what I had when I had it here… but I ran away and stayed too long in the company of my childish fears… and what I would give just to feel your heart beat…

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guilt trip

I always have a default setting in my mind…. Guilt…shame….suffering…. No matter how far I run away…. The same cycle is where I always find… But the more I deny the truth….the more it stays with me…. I run from you but then I keep believing in this fantasy… I wish I could take it…

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Trust

Trust is a hard thing to take care of.. When insecurity resides within…no reassurance is ever enough…. And I always had a million reasons to not believe in love and care… I just wish back then…broken glass hearts and empty eyes weren’t all our family shared… All I ever wanted was someone to be there….…

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Over

I lost a life… A childhood I will never get back… A baby girl given away in the hopes of a better life… To a man who could only use her and abuse her… I can’t change any of it… Even though my mind and heart have tried to countless times… I can’t undo what…

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