I Miss Me

I wish I could have loved myself more, instead I became obsessed with chasing vanishing dreams. Good vs. evil, hero & villain, my childhood was written in water colored, fairy tale themes. All the pain replaying  through my head, chained by this addictive sense of vivid dread. The worst of my nightmares rarely ever come…

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Empathy

I see no soul in your eyes… Eternal blackness with a smoke & mirrors disguise. I always thought it was me. Blame & guilt allied too easily. But what can I say? Power & control, But, what was your goal? There’s not just love missing from your heart, A psychopathic tendency, no compassion, no empathy,…

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Motivation

See the same look in your eyes as I did that night, shadows crossing over veiled thoughts & what I say is still left to your own interpretation. Even now, not sure if I once saw pain, desire, or simple manipulation. Grew up in a home where feelings were used as weapons & every where…

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Losing You

Count the years….& I don’t know how to face the entire loss of you. It’s just hard when I think of everything you used to put me through. Pseudo apologies in your eyes & I can’t help but to count the lies. How do you erase your father, how do you forgive your mother? Bitterness…

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Connection

I don’t want to talk about me…don’t want to draw attention to these scars. Pulling away from you to be closer to me & trying not to think about how the nightmares got this far. There’s more to the story, sometimes it’s about what wasn’t said or done. Without a connection love slowly & painful…

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Missing

Emptiness….paralyzes every emotion until I don’t feel the pain sinking too far in. A thousand moments sit on my chest & I don’t know how to break the hold despair has on me to finally win. It’s never enough….never enough because deep down I don’t believe I’m worthy of love, so I settle for paper…

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Fatal Error

Dark storm clouds in rose twilight skies, mapping silver lined edges of a trauma created world. Before you see me, I’ve already memorized his eyes in place of yours, tragically distant & reflecting a familiar, conditioned cold. I can’t trust anything or anyone without falling into a place drawn masterfully by wordless terror. My mind…

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Without

I don’t know how to give or receive love without a condition…faint echoes of my parents’ rules. A person is stripped of all meaning, in the end to become a crafted, specialized tool. How do I get over being used like this? How can I remember all the cruelty & still find something in you…

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Shattered

It’s hard to put into words what I once felt… A fragile shattering of my heart, mind, soul. I sit with the pain, emptiness, loneliness, for a moment. I don’t think I can ever forget what it was like, living in a dark dream. I walked away with my life. But it would years to…

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Hero

I wished for a long time to be saved…. Saved from my broken home, from my endless pain, from my empty life. It’s a difficult truth to accept but all this time wishing, hoping, holding onto false illusions, I failed in a major way. A way I now see with incredible clarity. I failed to…

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