Losing You

Count the years….& I don’t know how to face the entire loss of you. It’s just hard when I think of everything you used to put me through. Pseudo apologies in your eyes & I can’t help but to count the lies. How do you erase your father, how do you forgive your mother? Bitterness…

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Connection

I don’t want to talk about me…don’t want to draw attention to these scars. Pulling away from you to be closer to me & trying not to think about how the nightmares got this far. There’s more to the story, sometimes it’s about what wasn’t said or done. Without a connection love slowly & painful…

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Missing

Emptiness….paralyzes every emotion until I don’t feel the pain sinking too far in. A thousand moments sit on my chest & I don’t know how to break the hold despair has on me to finally win. It’s never enough….never enough because deep down I don’t believe I’m worthy of love, so I settle for paper…

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Fatal Error

Dark storm clouds in rose twilight skies, mapping silver lined edges of a trauma created world. Before you see me, I’ve already memorized his eyes in place of yours, tragically distant & reflecting a familiar, conditioned cold. I can’t trust anything or anyone without falling into a place drawn masterfully by wordless terror. My mind…

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Without

I don’t know how to give or receive love without a condition…faint echoes of my parents’ rules. A person is stripped of all meaning, in the end to become a crafted, specialized tool. How do I get over being used like this? How can I remember all the cruelty & still find something in you…

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Shattered

It’s hard to put into words what I once felt… A fragile shattering of my heart, mind, soul. I sit with the pain, emptiness, loneliness, for a moment. I don’t think I can ever forget what it was like, living in a dark dream. I walked away with my life. But it would years to…

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Hero

I wished for a long time to be saved…. Saved from my broken home, from my endless pain, from my empty life. It’s a difficult truth to accept but all this time wishing, hoping, holding onto false illusions, I failed in a major way. A way I now see with incredible clarity. I failed to…

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Reclaim

My heart tells me, it’s not safe to feel. Thoughts running through my mind now and then, catching feelings too conflicting to be surreal. Deep below the surface you left with me a dangerous fear of all men. Lose my breath & count to ten.. Let me try this again. I used to believe it…

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Wings

Subtle shifts in your twisted carved eyes, a piercing blackness takes the night. One moment you’re human & the next…a monster without a conscious, triggered by an imagined slight. Your words are just words, but they bleed poison into my  trembling skin. I fight for my life & I’m losing as the helplessness once more…

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For the Ride

There’s certain places in my mind…I can’t bare to relive. There’s parts of myself I don’t know how to let go of or forgive. I look in the mirror & sometimes I just look the other way. Happiness always wants to come & go, I can’t force it to stay. But there’s a strength in…

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